I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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