well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
