Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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