How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
