sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
