I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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