Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
