Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
