I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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