Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
