I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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