I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
