So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
