Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
