so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
