Pregnant stripper...not hot.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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