fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
