Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
