The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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