i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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