; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize