Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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