wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
