Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
