I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
