Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
