when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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