Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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