Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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