i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
