dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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