I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
