when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize