You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is the high leading the old right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
