Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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