if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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