yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
