I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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