Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
