she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
false alarm, still single
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
