my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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