If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
