I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
