the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
