Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
