you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
