I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
