my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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