break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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