Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
