been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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