Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
