By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
