I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
