I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
