What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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