Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
