im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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