To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
