She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
