I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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