THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
as a side note pls kill me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
