cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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