I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize