i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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