i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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