Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
