would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
