DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
