Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
