Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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