just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
