as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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