My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
