i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
