you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
