Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
